Ties that bind

Six decades of friendship that started at Utica

Submitted by Geraldine Rudd Beck ’70

It started 60 years ago: six freshman girls, Gerrie Rudd ’70, Kathy Keating ’70, Jo Ann Santarcangelo ’71, Harriet Lewis ’69, Nancy Willard and Judy Carter SU ’70, and Linda Varbero, all with tentative smiles, squeezed together in a line to check into South Dorm and begin life at Utica College. They introduced themselves to each other and with that simple act began a friendship that has endured for six decades.

Together they have weathered college romances, weddings, families scattered across the country, and the deaths of parents. They celebrated the triumphs of each other’s children and now share stories of grandchildren. They have been there for one another through surgeries, medical emergencies, and the loss of spouses. They mourned the passing of one of the original group while welcoming new friends who joined as the years went on, and everyone found their footing on the then four-building Utica College campus. Three of them married college sweethearts. Others found their soulmates after college, but every newcomer was warmly embraced by the group.

In September 1966, Utica College consisted of four buildings: North Dorm and South Dorm, a classroom building and Strebel Hall. That first semester, we all lived on the third floor of South Dorm, which sometimes felt like climbing Mount Everest after a long day of classes—or worse, after a night of partying.

Many of us came from small towns in New York State, with one girl from Pennsylvania. We had never been away from our families for long stretches, and most of us were the first in our families to attend college. At that time only about 38% of college students were women. We felt as if we were stepping into new worlds filled with ideas, opportunities, and independence.

As we settled into our new lives, we clung to each other and went everywhere as a group. We attended fraternity parties six strong. We went to Stanick’s and Marine Bar together and came home together. This was “way back” when the girls’ dorm had a curfew, and many nights we ran to make it in before midnight. Once inside, we would gather in someone’s room and rehash everything that had happened during the evening.

Meals were especially important—we ate together so no one ever had to sit alone. What we didn’t realize then was that every other freshman felt exactly the same way.

By the time second semester began, we returned from winter break excited to see each other as though we had been friends for years instead of only a few months. There was a new confidence among us, and we began to branch out. I started dating a Theta Xi brother (Bill Beck ’70) as did Linda (Craig Tucker ’69) and Judy (Danny Lazzaro, ’68). Harriet never seemed to lack for dates. Kathy dated a Tau Kappa Epsilon brother—an upperclassman, no less. JoAnn went out several times with a brother from Alpha Phi Delta. Nancy, whose father, Dr. Willard, a professor at Utica College, was a bit more circumspect and mostly stayed away from fraternity men.

Junior year brought many changes. Linda fell in love and left school to get married. Nancy and Judy transferred to Syracuse University. JoAnn needed a break from school and took a job in Utica rather than return home. Jo Ann’s sister, Christine visited us so often that everyone thought she was a student and part of the group. Harriet graduated and began working for Delta Airlines. I finally settled on a major and was still dating that same Theta Xi boy.

By then we had made new friends, and Laura ’71 joined the group. But the mood of the country had changed. The vibe from 1966 to 1969 grew darker. Drugs began replacing drinking, and parties didn’t seem quite as joyful. Life was becoming more serious, and we studied harder, realizing it was time to think about what came next.

Then in 1969, live on national television, birth dates were drawn from a container and read aloud. The numbers determined the order in which boys would be drafted into the military for the Vietnam War. We gathered in the great room of North Dorm to watch the only television in the dorm as the numbers came out one by one, like bingo balls. I will never forget the mood in that room—or the boys quietly leaving to spend the rest of the night at the bar. We lost many friends that night. Some survived the war. Some never came back.

The following year, in 1970, four college students at Kent State were killed and nine wounded by National Guard soldiers during a protest against the Vietnam War’s expansion into Cambodia. In response, Utica College—along with many colleges across the country—told students to go home. Underclassmen could take the grade they had or return in the fall to finish their finals. As seniors, we didn’t have that option, but we were allowed to remain on campus since graduation was only weeks away.

Those four years flew by. We graduated and began the next chapters of our lives.

I married that same boy I met the first week of freshman year, and we are still together 60 years later. Kathy married another Utica College graduate (Roger DiStefano ‘71). JoAnn married a Theta Xi brother Doug Capraro ‘68, whose number had come up in the draft lottery and who was fortunate enough to return after his service.

Kathy, JoAnn, and I stayed in touch, but over time we lost track of some of the others. Life became busy. Babies arrived. Careers began. Families moved across the country.

Eventually, we organized a girls’ getaway weekend in Lenox, Massachusetts, since many of us lived within a three-hour drive. That gathering turned into an annual fall tradition that lasted nearly 20 years, ending only in 2019 when I moved to Montana. For a number of years, we met a week in the summer at a camp on Schroon Lake in New York. Our kids also became friends over that 10-year period. Since then, we’ve still managed to get together whenever possible, especially when I travel back East to see family and friends.

We even had the chance to tour the campus again in 2024—now Utica University. I’m sure our young tour guide was amused by stories of curfews, panty raids, and fraternity parties.

While COVID was a difficult time for many, it brought an unexpected gift: new ways to stay connected. We had already experimented with conference calls when cell phones first allowed five people on one call. But FaceTime and Zoom truly brought us back together.

Now we meet once a week on Zoom during cocktail hour. Not everyone can make it every time, but it still feels like old times. Some weeks we reminisce about our days at Utica. Other weeks it feels just like sitting in the dorm again, talking about whatever happened in our daily lives—sharing recipes, discussing fashion, comparing the aches and pains of aging, and remembering those who are gone.

The Theta Xi brothers thought our idea was so good that a number of them now meet weekly on Zoom as well, though their conversations seem to focus mostly on whatever sports season is current—along with their own aches and pains.

So while it all began 60 years ago, it has grown into something deeper than friendship. It has been a shared life, with all the ups and downs that life brings—a safe place to laugh, vent, and remember where it all started: Utica College, September 1966.